Now, if you see my blog name, you can probably guess I’m a quiet person hehe. I’ve always been the quiet girl all my life, from being able to talk to right now. I use to wonder to myself, “Why don’t I talk as much as others?” I never had an urge to talk..like starting a random conversation..don’t even get me started with small talk. I do talk by the way...just depends on the person, the environment..or how I’m feeling. On a funny note, I had this idea to write a post on this last week but before I starting writing this, a lovely blogger that I engage with often, theyorkshiredreamer, wrote a post about her being quiet and I just found it funny because of the timing...she beat me to it haha. As I expected, I related to the majority of her post and it made me even more excited to write this. As I said before, I’ve been quiet all my life...and I have many experiences throughout my life while being deemed a quiet person so today I’m going to talk about them today.
When I started going to school at about 1, which was preschool, I remember a story my mom told me some years ago that when she came back to pick me up from school, I was just sitting by myself while the other kids were playing and running around. Yup...I meant it when I said all of my life. Kindergarten wasn’t as bad actually when remember, I would play with my classmates and have friends but I’m pretty sure I was silent a lot during class time. Surprisingly, when I sit and remember years back, I was actually kinda social when was really young...I had great classmates and friends when I was at prep school...but if I look at some old reports cards and read the comments..a few might say “Anissa is a nice, quiet young girl” or “Anissa is a respectable and quiet girl”..that’s because again, I didn’t talk during class times haha so I never gave teachers any issues there. My quietness took a different turn when I graduated from prep school and started high school.
Let me just say this...my first year at high school, especially the first few weeks were really annoying and I felt like an outcast. Literally, the first day of school after we got to settle in our classes...let’s say the teacher hasn’t arrived yet...I would sit on my own near the wall and everyone would be talking to each other. I never understood how you just met new people and just talk up a storm….I’m here like “ all of you are strangers and you scare me”. Basically every day, I would be asked by a girl (I went to an all-girls school by the way) “Why don’t you talk?”....like how do you answer a question like that? “Why you are so quiet?”...I would always say “I don’t know” to those questions because I never knew how to answer them haha. The times I do talk more than nothing or two words….everyone makes a big deal about it, and that just makes me want to stop talking. I’m happy to say I wasn’t bullied about being the quiet girl but I was teased a bit and treated a bit different by some mean girls. I was anxious all the time because of being surrounded by new people, I was always quiet, I wore glasses...did I mention I was one of the tallest in my year?…..yeah, I stuck out like a sore thumb basically. I couldn’t hide away or make myself smaller..you know since I’m tall. Being tall and quiet isn’t the best combo because I guess persons expect tall people to be outspoken or they’re intimidated by my height...I don’t know, that’s another topic for another day. When I was in classes, again I wouldn’t talk but if a teacher asks me a question….I hate it honestly, people already deemed me as the quiet girl, the last thing I need is a bunch of eyes staring at me, waiting for me to talk...great, my heart racing..thanks miss. The humorous thing about me being quiet in high school, my friends were talkers and louder than me haha. They just accept that I was quiet and never made me feel that out of place. I haven’t talked to a few of my old friends since high school but I’m really grateful to them for making me feel semi-normal in school. The friends that I have today, also from high school, are pretty use to me haha, they have no issue if we haven't spoken in a while, it's all love still. At the end of high school, everything was a lot better for me..they were a few mean girls that treat me or talked to me differently but I didn’t care at that point. My mind was set on “I don’t have to see these people again”, what they thought of me was the least of my worries because I was over being in high school and actually ready for something new. Here we go, university….
Now, I’m currently dealing with online school for university but I did start my experience before the pandemic. No need to talk about being quiet in online school because everyone is really….my mic is always off hehe..but I will occasionally type in the chat. Being a quiet person in university is actually a decent experience. The social life is different, either person has a circle of friends or others just sit by themselves doing some work on their laptops. Basically, barely any judgement, well at my school...I think persons just don’t care that much how other persons are or they act. My favourite place on campus….before everything shut down, was the library funnily. Simply, it’s a quiet place and I can have my own little area to do my work, listen to music and free wifi. I really missed the routine I had when school was open, after my classes and I have a lot of free time. I would eat lunch then I go to the library, drop off my bag and find my normal seat if it’s available. Also..again, I'm always quiet in my classes haha except for labs because I may have questions I need answers for to do my experiment correctly. I’m pretty sure persons saw me as a quiet girl but I gained a great skill of “not caring” after high school. Whatever people think of me as a quiet person, I don’t care really, I’m just here to get my degree honestly.
Now that I'm older, the common question I would get is “why don’t you talk?” and I actually can say why I am. Here are a few reasons on the top of my head:
I don’t have anything to say right now
I like talking about things I’m actually interested in
I hate small talk
I don’t know you/ you’re a stranger to me
I don’t like your vibe so I won’t talk to you...I won’t say this to your face obviously, just won’t start convos with you.
I’m having a lot of thoughts right now
I might not be in the best mood
I’m uncomfortable in crowds/being around many people
I’m really happy in my silence
I’m probably daydreaming
I’m probably planning out what I’m going to do after my class or rehearsing a food order in my head.
I’ve been a quiet person for 19 years and I’m going to be like this forever haha. My friends accept me as I am, my family...and also I accepted myself for who I am. I used to feel like an outcast back in high school but learned that I’m not a weirdo or whatever, I just don’t like talking all the time and that’s ok. Once I feel good in myself, that’s all that matters and also...if you realize a person is really quiet or doesn’t speak that often...please don’t ask them why they don’t talk or you should talk more….that just makes them quieter...trust me. So, I hope you enjoyed this….rant? Or just me expressing and sharing my life experiences while being a quiet person. I know there are a few persons out there that may relate to this or maybe has a quiet friend or family member...or wondered why persons tend to stay to themselves and not speak. To end this, I want to say that everyone is different for a reason, things like being quiet make someone who they are and there is nothing wrong with being a little unique from others...that’s what makes you special.