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Why Can't I Be Understood?

I learned that I have difficulties with people understanding me or just explaining myself to people. I was always someone who keep their problems to themself or their weird habits. As I get older, I've been put in positions when there is a time to explain myself, I struggle. Even when I feel like I did my best explaining, it either gets interpreted wrong or it doesn't come out sounding right and it just makes things worst. It's like I'm the only person who understands me.....I definitely know people similar to me, really similar actually but there are just certain things only I get. When I was using my notes app on my phone as a "journal", I remember saying, 'I wish I could plug my brain into a computer and it just unscrambles my thoughts'. I still feel that way funnily. Like anything I struggle with explaining, just plug myself into a laptop, allow it to do its thing then just print it and give it to the person I'm talking to. But sometimes, I just prefer to stay quiet about certain things and keep it to myself. It only becomes a problem when I'm questioned about something...then I go into slight panic mode lol.


Updated (Aug 2021)

Growing up, I always felt like no one could understand me and that’s all I wanted. The thing is, I was terrified to express myself to people for fear of them knowing me like that. Or maybe I was expressing myself to the wrong person? Something I’ve learnt is that you have to understand yourself before anything. I understand myself to a point but as I get older and have new experiences in life, I learn more about myself. Today, I’m going to talk about understanding and go through some questions I’ve thought about.

A girl sitting alone near a lake

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Do you need to be understood by everyone?

I would think if I explain myself to friends, family, etc, it would make them understand the way I act sometimes or how I do things. I start to wonder if I need to do that at all. If I have a friend for more than 5 years, wouldn’t they kinda understand me for my ways? Same with family, they’ve known me longer, so should they already me enough and is it a waste of time to try and explain myself? Maybe I think too much about it….maybe I don’t know how to explain myself properly. I dealt with trauma growing up, so it has caused me to act weirdly sometimes or do things a certain way. Some people will know what I tell them but I never really explain how it has affected me and I think I don’t know how. I think it’s important for people close to you to know you more than the surface level but maybe it can be too much...that’s just how I feel about it.


Maybe it’s them, not you

It could depend on who you talk to. Say that someone new has entered your life, you get to know each other and it’s like… they can’t get you. I feel like I say enough to allow them to get me but it seems not enough. I can tell if someone is being dismissive about things but how about persons that are trying to understand and they still get it wrong…? About a month ago, I was really honest with my father about how I was feeling lately, he was supportive and wanted to help me. I allowed him to read one of my blog posts and he fully misunderstood it. I felt...I guess offended? I felt like what I wrote was easier to understand than me saying it but he still didn’t get it. I am still grateful that he wanted to understand and help me but I don’t know how I’m gonna make him understand it properly.


Do I even understand myself?

As I said above, as I get older, the more I learn about myself. I did some deep reflection last year and this year to fully see how much I have been affected by past and current events in my life. I realized that there’s a reason why I struggle with people understanding me sometimes. I never really sat down and thought about all the things I’ve been through and realised how it has affected me throughout the years. It sounds extreme because I’m only 20 but I think it’s good that I understand what I’ve been through so as I grow, I can be better. It hurts to look back but I think ignoring it or just moving on with life doesn’t make it better….and that’s what I’ve been doing. Maybe understanding yourself first is more important than trying to have people understand you. It would be great if it was easy for people close to you to know you like you know yourself but maybe it’s for the best.

A man sitting on a bridge

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This is another update on one of my old posts from last year. I was in a situation where I would explain myself for certain things I do and it never came out right or the person couldn’t get it. After a year, I looked back starting to look into myself more to see what was the issue. To conclude, it seems like I have a communication issue and I’m slowly trying to work on it. Writing has helped me with communicating, hence why I why showed my dad one of my posts...even though it didn’t go the way I wanted. I know many people just want to feel understood but sometimes, you may need to step back I wonder if you understand yourself. Sounds a bit weird because probably thinking “I already know myself”, but maybe there are a few things that you never realized. If you have been in a situation where someone couldn’t figure out what you were trying to explain about yourself, reflect on what you said and see how you say it in a different way or that particular thing you do/about yourself, what about it makes you feel like you need to explain it? Now for my favourite part, I have some questions for:

  • Have you ever felt like no one could understand you?

  • Do you think good communication skills will help in being understood?

  • What’s more important, persons close to you understanding you fully or yourself?

Also, I’m sorting out my schedule for my blog this weekend as I start school next week. I have a few blog ideas written down, it’s just to start typing them and all of the other blog stuff haha. Until next time, I hope everyone doing well and staying safe.


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I hope you're at your happiest if not, it's okay...I hope you're starting or working on reaching the highest peak of happiness.

- Anissa (TheQuietGirl)

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